Why I Told My Mother I Won’t Marry Above 25”
The day I got my job, my mother was happy.
Very happy.
She kept smiling, calling relatives, telling them, “My son is now working.”
I won’t lie, I was proud too. After years in school, struggling, managing life, I finally had something stable.
That evening, we sat together and started talking about the next step.
And like every African mother…
She brought up marriage.
She looked at me and said,
“So when will you bring a wife?”
I smiled at first.
But then I told her something she didn’t expect.
“I can’t marry a girl above 25.”
She looked at me like I was joking.
But I wasn’t.
She asked me,
“Why?”
I took a deep breath…
Because this wasn’t something I just woke up and decided.
It was something I had been observing for years.
While I was in school, I saw a lot of things.
Things people don’t talk about openly.
I saw young girls in their early 20s.
Beautiful. Smart. Full of life.
But many of them were chasing a lifestyle that didn’t match their reality.
Expensive things.
Soft life.
Big men.
And to get that life…
They moved from one man to another.
I’m not saying all of them.
But enough for me to notice a pattern.
Some of them got used to a certain kind of life early.
Men with money.
Men who spent on them.
Men who showed them a level of comfort.
So I started asking myself a question:
What happens when someone like me comes into the picture later?
A regular guy.
Just starting life.
No big money yet.
No flashy lifestyle.
Will she adjust?
Or will she compare?
Because I’ve seen it happen.
Comparison.
Complaints.
Pressure.
And slowly…
Disrespect enters.
Another thing I noticed…
The more experiences some people have gone through in relationships,
The harder it becomes for them to settle peacefully.
Not because they are bad people.
But because they’ve seen too much.
Felt too much.
Been through too much.
Heartbreak changes people.
Repeated heartbreak… changes them even more.
It can make someone defensive.
It can make someone less patient.
It can make someone always expect the worst.
And I asked myself…
Is that what I want to start my marriage with?
I told my mom,
“I want someone I can grow with.”
Someone who is still simple in mindset.
Someone who hasn’t been too exposed to complicated experiences.
Someone who can build with me without too many comparisons.
To me, age became a factor.
Not just the number…
But what usually comes with it in this generation.
I told her,
“The younger the girl, the less history she has.”
“And the easier it is to build something fresh.”
She was quiet.
Listening.
Trying to understand me.
I’m not saying I’m 100% right.
I’m just saying what I’ve seen.
What I’ve experienced.
Because marriage is not just about love.
It’s about peace.
It’s about compatibility.
It’s about starting something that can actually last.
And I don’t want to enter it blindly.
My mother didn’t argue much.
She just looked at me and said,
“Life will still teach you your own lessons.”
And maybe she’s right.
But for now…
This is how I see things.
Because I’ve seen enough to know one thing:
The choices you make before marriage…
Can determine the kind of peace you have inside it.
And me…
I’m just trying to choose carefully.